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When you fart and your own eyes start watering — well, it’s time to get help. So, one of my last acts while still on the corporate payroll was to see the Flight Surgeon, and she palpated the region and promptly scheduled a colonoscopy. So, you say you’ve never had a colonoscopy? Well, at age 50 you’re supposed to get one. I say ‘supposed to’, because from what I understand perhaps ten percent of us actually do, and I think that number is so low because having a colonoscopy is supposed to be, supposed to be, mind you, about as fun as having anal sex with a porcupine. You go to a gastroenterologist to have this done, by the way, and you go to his (or her) office for a pre-exam screening to see if the full procedure is warranted. So you fill out the paperwork then go to an exam room and wait. And it’s a fun wait, because you know this whole thing (sorry) is going to be so much fun, and as a result your anxiety level is, well, elevated. But a fun kind of elevated, because odds are you. “Look, buzz me in, or I’ll go back to the car.”“No you won’t. You want this way too much.”The gate buzzed and so did she with illicit expectation. She pushed and walked inside the grounds, crunching up the gravel path in persistent driving rain, then inside the lush apartment-complex to her fuck-date.He made her knock and wait dripping at his door, but she liked his meanness. She’d opted for him because she knew with every fine-tuned instinct what a toying fucker he’d be. This man was exactly what she needed.The door opened and he stood barefoot in slacks and shirt, staring down on her in enjoyment of her rain-drenched plight. “Hi, Amanda.” Then he gripped her by the belt of her trench coat and pulled her inside, the newspaper splashing to the floor as the door slammed behind her and she stumbled into him.“Let me take your coat.”He unbelted it and ripped it open, checking that she’d followed his instructions. “Very good. Very good indeed. I’m glad teacher still knows how to take.
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